“So I talked to the labia— I mean I talked to the labia— I mean I talked to the LADY at the office…”

That moment of panic when something shoots up your esophagus and you don’t know if it’s a burp or barf.

“In the dictionary under ‘inscrutable’ is a picture that may or may not be you. No one can tell.”

Why isn’t there a toilet manufacturer whose slogan is “#$&@ Happens. Buy a _________”?

That feeling of being halfway through a book, which your friends and critics loved, and wondering when it will become good.

danharmon:

okolivertrask:

1. Dan Harmon isn’t around to say stupid shit regularly and make me hate the show in different ways I hadn’t even imagined before
2. It’s not quality quality like COMMUNITY season 1 and 2, but it’s also not a sanctimonious self-indulgent mess like season 3.
3. It is just a fun cartoon-version of a once great show.
4. It’s like really good fanfiction. And I know that sounds like an insult but It is delightful.

Cha-ching!

“He doesn’t use his car when it snows.” Really?” “He takes his motorcycle.” “Why?!” “It has snowtires.”  

“Marriage is such an anchor in life.” “Heavy, awkward, covered in rust, takes you to the ocean floor to be entangled with rocks and the only way out is a high-powered winch?”

“What kind of cheese do you want?”

“Mozzarella, please.”

“Is that the orange, yellow or really yellow?”

“It’s the mozzarella.”

“…”

“You work here, right?”

“But what colour is it?”

Able-bodied people who, instead of just pushing open a door, hit the wheelchair button and wait for it to open on its own.